Here’s another important post from Convergence Training, the people who brought you Zombie Safety Training, Safety Training for the Mayan Apocalypse, and more humor-based safety training articles for a fun break from the average work day.
And, if you finish this Sharknado article and you’re in the mood for some more safety laughs, check out any of the following articles:
The world is full of things to fear.
Hollywood, of course, has made it all worse, with creations that instill deep-seated fear even worse than a real-life trauma. For example, my mother never took a shower for years after watching Hitchcock’s Psycho. And in turn, I was frightened to take a bath or swim in a pool for years after watching Jaws.
But now Hollywood has topped it all. They’ve given us the ultimate reason to be scared. They’ve taken one of nature’s most violent storms—the tornado—and blended it with one of the animal world’s most fearsome predators—the shark.
That’s right. We’re talking about—the Sharknado. And last night (Sunday, August 6) was the premier showing of Sharkando 5, guaranteed to frighten the bejeezers out of us all.
With this new menace to haunt our days and nights, to stalk our psyches, and to terrorize our primal, ancestral reptilian brains, we thought we’d offer you some tips on appropriate safety training videos to help you prepare. Read on if you even hope to survive this deadly new scourge.
Here are 15 suggested training courses for you. What else do you think a Sharknado might require?
Let me repeat–it’s a Sharknado. While it IS important to protect your hearing, this is the least of your concerns.
Although everyone recognizes the importance of proper sanitation, this is a Sharknado–a tornado that spits out sharks, an animal that is itself so scary it’s got its own week on TV. Hand sanitation is NOT your biggest issue right now.
The flu? Dude! What we’ve got here is a tornado, an intensely violent storm that’s been recorded at maximum wind speeds over 300 mph (source), showering the world with nature’s most perfectly designed killing machines (some of which may even have frickin’ lasers attached to their heads, for all we know). Let’s focus on the real risks and hazards, huh?
What—you’re going to try to talk your way through this? Let me tell you, you’re not going to get all kumbaya with a Sharknado. That ain’t gonna happen.
Even if it IS hot out, if you’ve got a Sharknado breathing down your neck, I guarantee that you’ll know what’s stressing you out.
You were thinking of trying to use a nearly invisible stream of hydraulic fluid, escaping from an unseen hole in a hydraulic line, to give a shark a hydraulic fluid injection injury? Are you serious? Do you not know how thick the skin of a shark is?
Hmm. We DID say that a shark is nature’s perfectly designed killing machine, but that’s not what we were getting at. But we’re getting closer, at least.
NOW you’re talking. Because what we’ve got here is a true emergency. Possibly the mother of all emergencies. A plan is DEFINITELY in order.
You can bet your life you’re going to need some first aid training to stop all that bleeding. In fact, a Sharknado is so fearsome you’ll probably need some second, third, and fourth aid training too.
You’re darned right you’re going to try to drive to safety, and you can be sure sharks flying down the highway are a hazard to identify (and control). One last thought to add here–if you’re thinking of avoiding the traffic and getting away on a boat, remember that size matters.
The use of power tools such as chainsaws (watch the video in this link) can be effective against a Sharknado. But only when handled properly and safely.
If you’ve seen Jaws, you know that a compressed gas cylinder can also help when you’re dealing with the ocean’s most dangerous predator.
That’s a good idea. Getting into a confined space may be just what you need to protect yourself from a Sharknado. Unless, of course, you get into a confined space WITH a shark–like the guy in this shark cage with a ferocious shark trying to eat him.
Diversity training–you’re on to something there. This one may not seem obvious, but the Sharknado does not discriminate. Absolutely not. The Sharknado is an equal-opportunity nightmare, stalking you with sharks of every race, creed and color–great whites, hammerheads, bull, tigers, blues, makos, and more. Each exquisitely fine-tuned by nature to hunt you down in a unique, terrible way.
Want to see more cool EHS training courses? Check out library of online safety training courses to see titles and course samples, or just watch the short sample video to get a sense of the quality.
Hope these tips keep you safe from the next Sharknado! See you again soon.
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